Taking full responsibility for yourself means letting go of the illusion that you can be responsible for other people. This might sound selfish at first, yet it’s the most generous thing you can do. When you stop trying to manage or rescue others (which you can’t do anyway), you free up your energy to actually show up for them and give them what they truly need— presence, not control. This is the quiet, often uncomfortable work of responsibility: holding yourself fully while allowing others to do the same.

When we stop misplacing our energy on others, we become more available to support them and create things that contribute to the whole. True collective care doesn’t come from martyrdom or agendas. It comes from people who are deeply responsible for their own inner worlds and choices. When we stop trying to overextend our power, we create something sustainable.

What if we stopped fixing one another and started living into our own values instead?

Leadership isn’t about doing more. It’s about having the clarity and the discipline to stop and say no. This is why we must cultivate the skill to let things remain imperfect, unsolved, and unattended. This practice can seem like laziness or ignorance at first, and it’s wisdom. Creation requires focus, and you can’t create anything meaningful if your energy is scattered in a thousand directions, trying to fix everything because you think you have to, and mistakenly believe you can.. Authentic leadership asks: What am I here for? And then follows that answer with courage, eliminating clutter.

You have a finite amount of time, energy, and attention. You can either spend your life trying to make everything better, which is impossible, or you can get real and make a specific, powerful impact where you feel most called. This, unfortunately, means being okay with what’s left undone and letting some people misunderstand or judge you. It also means having the strength to walk away from good things to stay true to the essential things.

What if the discipline of leadership is not in how much you carry, but in being clear enough to go a significant distance?

Discipline only matters if you know what you're creating. Without clarity on what you value or what kind of life you’re building, discipline becomes punishment. It easily turns into rigid rules, comparison, shame, have-to’s and shoulds. Yet, when discipline is rooted in purpose, it becomes sacred and nourishing. In this context, discipline becomes embodied Self-love. And remember, your discipline won’t look like anyone else’s, and it shouldn’t, as your values, vision, and expression are your own.

The word discipline comes from the root word disciple, meaning to become a student. Real discipline is about becoming a student of your best Self. It’s not about control; it’s about devotion and commitment. So let go of the pressure to follow someone else’s structure and punishing yourself for not doing it right. Instead, begin by asking: What do I care about? What am I committed to? From there,

What if you let discipline become freedom by making it your own?

There is literally nothing you can do alone. Someone built the home you live in, harvested the coffee you’re drinking, and laid the road you drove on today. Even your breath is a shared miracle—air shaped by trees, filtered by oceans, gifted by time. When we forget this, we think we’re “self-made” or should be. We romanticize the illusion that we’ve done it all ourselves, and when life feels hard, we double down—I have to figure this out alone. Yet the truth is: you never have, and you never will.

The next time you feel isolated, overly burdened, or tempted by your negative ego to feel superior, pause and reflect. Practice gratitude for the seen and unseen hands that support your life, and let that feeling ground you. You can practice gratitude for the people, the elements, the communities, the ancestors, and the strangers who have contributed to who you are. This doesn’t undo the harms that have been done to you, yet focusing on them as the only reality takes your power away.

You are not self-made. You are community-made, earth-made, and source-made. When you realize you’re never truly alone, it softens you in a good way, helping you release grasping or proving and instead, remembering how to receive.

What if you focused on everything that helps you rather than what hasn’t?

Not liking something doesn’t mean that it’s wrong or that you’re wrong for not liking it. It’s just a feeling that is coming and going, and just because we feel it, doesn’t mean it’s true. Yet, we often treat our feelings like an emergency: I don’t like this, so I must fix it now. The humorous thing, however, is that as much as we want to change the thing, we usually don’t like the feeling of expending the energy it would take to change it either. So we feel stressed and stuck between what we don’t like and the effort we don’t want to make.

All of this to say that, no matter what, we must learn to not like things if we want to experience happiness. This is not a form of resignation; it is a pathway to freedom. When you make peace with the feeling of dislike, you regain your power, which is your freedom to choose where you spend your precious energy —either in resistance or transformation.

Where is it time to make friend with the sensations of dislike?

We rush to fix things that feel uncomfortable- change the thought, shift the mood, or manipulate the outcome. Correct action is powerful, yet real power doesn’t start with action—it starts with awareness. Just noticing and releasing judgment and the need to feel different. It begins with being truly willing to be with just what is. That’s the difference between consciousness and the contents of our consciousness. As Pema Chodron says, “You are the sky. Everything else – it's just the weather."

Here’s the helpful paradox: the less we need to change everything, the more space we have actually to choose. When we stop grasping, a sense of clarity and peace can emerge, helping us access the freedom we need if we want to choose. This freedom isn’t found in forcing better thoughts or better circumstances—it’s found in realizing we don’t have to. We are free to change, yes. But we are just as free not to. And that’s where our power begins.

Where might you be able to do the correct work for your life if you focused on noticing the need to change before changing?

We’ve been sold a lie that we believe so deeply we can barely consider it can’t be true: Once you get there, you’ll be happy. There, where the money is steady, the job is revered, the relationships are exciting and sexy. The thing that makes this lie so harmful is not that we shouldn’t have these things, but the false hope it gives us that there is somewhere to “arrive” and be safe and happy. Once we achieve enough, we can enjoy it. Yet here’s the truth—there is a moving target, and chasing it with the belief it will save you will leave you exhausted, bitter, and empty, even when you “arrive.”

This type of thinking is like playing a game of darts, believing that you will truly only be happy if you can hit the bullseye, and then continuing to hit it every time. There is nothing wrong with darts; in fact, it can be fun. There is nothing wrong with winning at darts or anything else. It is the belief in what winning will do that is problematic.

The real joy isn’t in getting there, because the only real there you are getting is the end of your life. It’s in being here—awake to your own life, willing to grow, open to meaning in the mess. From here, we can play the game with the hopes of winning, yet not attaching our worth to it. Happiness isn’t something you earn later. It’s something you choose now, in the middle of the undone, the uncertain, the not-quite-enough.

What if you stopped needing the destination to save you, so the journey itself could become your protection?

We think happiness comes from getting what we want. When the plan works, the people agree, we have boatloads of money, the outfits are perfect, the breaking news is quiet, and the path is smooth, we will finally be happy. In this context, happiness is something to be earned, achieved, and strived for. However, real happiness—quiet, rooted, and sustaining—comes from something available to us right now: adaptability. The willingness to pivot, adjust, access our creativity even when it is uncomfortable, or begin again is the key that unlocks our freedom. Making a new choice is not giving up; it is a characteristic of strength, remaining open.

Adaptability isn’t passive. It’s powerful. It means we trust ourselves enough to let go of what should have been, and meet what is with grace. Life does not want us to be rigid—it asks us to respond. Our rigidity is what causes our suffering. Our job is to be open enough to flow like water, so we can move over, under, through, or around whatever appears in our path. Sometimes this flow means that we allow ourselves to be uncomfortable while learning a new skill or integrating new knowledge. Adaptability doesn’t mean that things all of a sudden become easy, but we no longer need them to be easy.

Where might your rigidity be causing some suffering?

Worry is sneaky and wears lots of disguises. One of its favorite ways to disguise itself is as guilt. In this context, we feel bad, not always because we’ve done something “wrong”, but because we’re afraid someone else thinks we have. We worry about what others will say, what they’ll assume. Which of their rules have we broken without realizing it? And in that swirl of shoulds and shouldn’ts, we lose our center.

And of course, there’s another way. When we notice worry and shift into responsibility, this feeling clears. We stop outsourcing our inner knowing and return to listening inward. We might ask: What do I know to be true? Guilt begins to lift when we trust ourselves to live with integrity, not perfection, not approval, but wisdom and healthy pride.

Where might your guilt be sourced from worry, and what might it feel like to take responsibility instead?

The secret to fulfilling relationships? Make them about the other person. Not to because you don’t matter, but because you do. Not to disappear, not to please—but to show up with curiosity and love. When we stop trying to be the center by being impressive, interesting, or even the victim, we free up our energy to serve. We hear more. We begin to feel empathy, compassion, and a sense of wonder. We feel more connected. As always, it’s a paradox: the more we give, the more we receive.

However, this isn’t about placating or pretending. True service isn’t soft or fake. It’s authentic, honest, and clear- all while being loving. Service is about bringing ease and openness when it feels uncomfortable and demonstrating the power of holding space. We have the power to be true to ourselves and shift the focus away from ourselves.

How might your sense of fulfillment in your relationships change if you made it about the other person?

Harmful energy seeks to drag you into a battle where no one truly wins—a cycle of opposition where everyone suffers.

Life-giving energy, however, lifts you toward a higher perspective, one where everyone can thrive. Holding the intention for a greater victory requires more effort, yet even in that striving, you’ve already moved further along the path than if you’d engaged in the smaller fight.

Where do you see an opportunity to let go of a narrow problem and embrace a bolder, more expansive solution?

We don’t live in an “all or nothing” world. We inhabit an “all and nothing” world, where every truth holds its own paradox.

In this moment, we each have free will, yet this moment is woven into everything that came before and shapes all that follows, making no choice truly independent.

We are each unique individuals, yet we are deeply interconnected, born from the same universal energy, forever influencing and being influenced by one another in a shared dance of existence.

When you feel trapped in the tension of “either-or,” can you find freedom in embracing “both-and”?

Far too many of us were never taught to truly own our worth, to stand confidently in our value and take responsibility for ourselves. This leaves so many feeling insecure, constantly seeking somewhere to project those feelings. Often, they project their insecurity onto you, mistakenly believing that dimming your light will brighten theirs. Of course, it never does.

This behavior doesn’t make them bad—it simply robs them of their own power. Your role is to protect your own. When faced with someone else’s insecurity, your work is to stay anchored in your worth and your unique contribution, no matter what. This is no small task, yet it’s what ensures you hold onto your peace and continue serving others. Responding with love might even spark a shift in how someone else sees leadership. Likewise, notice when you’re tempted to project your own doubts onto a leader in your life. Gently bring your focus back to owning your energy and worth.

The more you step into service, the more you’ll encounter others’ insecurities. Don’t let it deter you. Let it be a reminder that you’re walking a courageous path.

Each of us holds the key to ease in our decision-making—if only we grant ourselves permission to unlock it. We’ve all stumbled, made mistakes, and carried regrets, but clinging to self-punishment or judgment of others keeps those missteps alive, weighing us down. Our liberation comes when we recognize the past and future for what they are: fleeting illusions. By releasing the guilt that comes with them and reclaiming our innocence, we open the door to creating anew with ease.

You already know what matters most to you in this moment. Don’t complicate by letting “shoulds” and “shouldn’ts” hold you back. This moment is an invitation for you to step into momentum, growth, and flow.

What might open up if you choose from a place of innocence rather than guilt?

Waiting to do things until you want to do them is an impossible strategy for living a happy life.

We must be willing to do the little things we don’t want to do to have the big things we want. 

If we want booming business, we need to make the scary sales call, whether we want to or not. If we want rewarding relationships, we need to be vulnerable and selfless, whether we want to or not. 

Where is it time to stop valuing the little wants and start valuing the big ones? 

When you fight with someone, you give them power. When you stand for something, you harness your own. You don’t need someone to agree with you to do your work. Waiting for agreement often means you will be waiting forever. 

Taking a stand is different than trying to win a fight with someone else who is also giving their power away. Stand for what is true for you and don’t waste your energy fighting. 

What if you used your stand to find ways to partner rather than prove?

While I prefer to be adored and loved, I am 100 percent okay with not being adored and loved. When I need to be liked, I do all sorts of things that make me not love and adore myself, and the most important person to love me is me, because I am the one who lives with me. 

When I release the need to be seen or treated in a certain way, I am able to see myself more clearly and do and be someone I want to celebrate. 

Where is it time to let go of others’ perception of you and focus on your own? 

We all want to be happy somehow, and we have different strategies for getting there because we all believe that different things will make us happy. 

Some people believe that having lots of money will make them happy, some believe that having lots of rest will make them happy, some believe that winning a fight will make them happy, and some believe that flying under the radar will make them happy. 

The truth is, everyone is simply making their best guess and doing what they believe works for them. We don’t have to agree with one another to understand that. 

What if you didn’t have to be right about what may or may not make someone else happy? Are you sure you even have it right for yourself?

People in your life rely on you for certain things- whether it is to take the trash out, provide great insight, or complain about your boss with them. It can feel very comfortable to continue to fit into the roles you have historically played for people, and it can often be valuable to continue to be reliable in these ways if they help us get where we want to go. However, it is with ensuring that the things people rely on you for are actually the things you want to be reliable for.

Opportunities present themselves to us based on the credibility we create for ourselves. Are you making yourself credible in ways that inspire you? Where might it be time to upgrade your reliability? 

Complexity and complication are overrated. If it can’t be said or done simply, people won’t likely hear or do it—you included.

Where do you need to make it simpler to be more powerful? Remember that simple can feel scary because responsibility and clarity are the essence of simplicity.