Not liking something doesn’t mean that it’s wrong or that you’re wrong for not liking it. It’s just a feeling that is coming and going, and just because we feel it, doesn’t mean it’s true. Yet, we often treat our feelings like an emergency: I don’t like this, so I must fix it now. The humorous thing, however, is that as much as we want to change the thing, we usually don’t like the feeling of expending the energy it would take to change it either. So we feel stressed and stuck between what we don’t like and the effort we don’t want to make.

All of this to say that, no matter what, we must learn to not like things if we want to experience happiness. This is not a form of resignation; it is a pathway to freedom. When you make peace with the feeling of dislike, you regain your power, which is your freedom to choose where you spend your precious energy —either in resistance or transformation.

Where is it time to make friend with the sensations of dislike?

We rush to fix things that feel uncomfortable- change the thought, shift the mood, or manipulate the outcome. Correct action is powerful, yet real power doesn’t start with action—it starts with awareness. Just noticing and releasing judgment and the need to feel different. It begins with being truly willing to be with just what is. That’s the difference between consciousness and the contents of our consciousness. As Pema Chodron says, “You are the sky. Everything else – it's just the weather."

Here’s the helpful paradox: the less we need to change everything, the more space we have actually to choose. When we stop grasping, a sense of clarity and peace can emerge, helping us access the freedom we need if we want to choose. This freedom isn’t found in forcing better thoughts or better circumstances—it’s found in realizing we don’t have to. We are free to change, yes. But we are just as free not to. And that’s where our power begins.

Where might you be able to do the correct work for your life if you focused on noticing the need to change before changing?

We’ve been sold a lie that we believe so deeply we can barely consider it can’t be true: Once you get there, you’ll be happy. There, where the money is steady, the job is revered, the relationships are exciting and sexy. The thing that makes this lie so harmful is not that we shouldn’t have these things, but the false hope it gives us that there is somewhere to “arrive” and be safe and happy. Once we achieve enough, we can enjoy it. Yet here’s the truth—there is a moving target, and chasing it with the belief it will save you will leave you exhausted, bitter, and empty, even when you “arrive.”

This type of thinking is like playing a game of darts, believing that you will truly only be happy if you can hit the bullseye, and then continuing to hit it every time. There is nothing wrong with darts; in fact, it can be fun. There is nothing wrong with winning at darts or anything else. It is the belief in what winning will do that is problematic.

The real joy isn’t in getting there, because the only real there you are getting is the end of your life. It’s in being here—awake to your own life, willing to grow, open to meaning in the mess. From here, we can play the game with the hopes of winning, yet not attaching our worth to it. Happiness isn’t something you earn later. It’s something you choose now, in the middle of the undone, the uncertain, the not-quite-enough.

What if you stopped needing the destination to save you, so the journey itself could become your protection?

We think happiness comes from getting what we want. When the plan works, the people agree, we have boatloads of money, the outfits are perfect, the breaking news is quiet, and the path is smooth, we will finally be happy. In this context, happiness is something to be earned, achieved, and strived for. However, real happiness—quiet, rooted, and sustaining—comes from something available to us right now: adaptability. The willingness to pivot, adjust, access our creativity even when it is uncomfortable, or begin again is the key that unlocks our freedom. Making a new choice is not giving up; it is a characteristic of strength, remaining open.

Adaptability isn’t passive. It’s powerful. It means we trust ourselves enough to let go of what should have been, and meet what is with grace. Life does not want us to be rigid—it asks us to respond. Our rigidity is what causes our suffering. Our job is to be open enough to flow like water, so we can move over, under, through, or around whatever appears in our path. Sometimes this flow means that we allow ourselves to be uncomfortable while learning a new skill or integrating new knowledge. Adaptability doesn’t mean that things all of a sudden become easy, but we no longer need them to be easy.

Where might your rigidity be causing some suffering?

Worry is sneaky and wears lots of disguises. One of its favorite ways to disguise itself is as guilt. In this context, we feel bad, not always because we’ve done something “wrong”, but because we’re afraid someone else thinks we have. We worry about what others will say, what they’ll assume. Which of their rules have we broken without realizing it? And in that swirl of shoulds and shouldn’ts, we lose our center.

And of course, there’s another way. When we notice worry and shift into responsibility, this feeling clears. We stop outsourcing our inner knowing and return to listening inward. We might ask: What do I know to be true? Guilt begins to lift when we trust ourselves to live with integrity, not perfection, not approval, but wisdom and healthy pride.

Where might your guilt be sourced from worry, and what might it feel like to take responsibility instead?

The secret to fulfilling relationships? Make them about the other person. Not to because you don’t matter, but because you do. Not to disappear, not to please—but to show up with curiosity and love. When we stop trying to be the center by being impressive, interesting, or even the victim, we free up our energy to serve. We hear more. We begin to feel empathy, compassion, and a sense of wonder. We feel more connected. As always, it’s a paradox: the more we give, the more we receive.

However, this isn’t about placating or pretending. True service isn’t soft or fake. It’s authentic, honest, and clear- all while being loving. Service is about bringing ease and openness when it feels uncomfortable and demonstrating the power of holding space. We have the power to be true to ourselves and shift the focus away from ourselves.

How might your sense of fulfillment in your relationships change if you made it about the other person?

Harmful energy seeks to drag you into a battle where no one truly wins—a cycle of opposition where everyone suffers.

Life-giving energy, however, lifts you toward a higher perspective, one where everyone can thrive. Holding the intention for a greater victory requires more effort, yet even in that striving, you’ve already moved further along the path than if you’d engaged in the smaller fight.

Where do you see an opportunity to let go of a narrow problem and embrace a bolder, more expansive solution?

We don’t live in an “all or nothing” world. We inhabit an “all and nothing” world, where every truth holds its own paradox.

In this moment, we each have free will, yet this moment is woven into everything that came before and shapes all that follows, making no choice truly independent.

We are each unique individuals, yet we are deeply interconnected, born from the same universal energy, forever influencing and being influenced by one another in a shared dance of existence.

When you feel trapped in the tension of “either-or,” can you find freedom in embracing “both-and”?

Far too many of us were never taught to truly own our worth, to stand confidently in our value and take responsibility for ourselves. This leaves so many feeling insecure, constantly seeking somewhere to project those feelings. Often, they project their insecurity onto you, mistakenly believing that dimming your light will brighten theirs. Of course, it never does.

This behavior doesn’t make them bad—it simply robs them of their own power. Your role is to protect your own. When faced with someone else’s insecurity, your work is to stay anchored in your worth and your unique contribution, no matter what. This is no small task, yet it’s what ensures you hold onto your peace and continue serving others. Responding with love might even spark a shift in how someone else sees leadership. Likewise, notice when you’re tempted to project your own doubts onto a leader in your life. Gently bring your focus back to owning your energy and worth.

The more you step into service, the more you’ll encounter others’ insecurities. Don’t let it deter you. Let it be a reminder that you’re walking a courageous path.

Each of us holds the key to ease in our decision-making—if only we grant ourselves permission to unlock it. We’ve all stumbled, made mistakes, and carried regrets, but clinging to self-punishment or judgment of others keeps those missteps alive, weighing us down. Our liberation comes when we recognize the past and future for what they are: fleeting illusions. By releasing the guilt that comes with them and reclaiming our innocence, we open the door to creating anew with ease.

You already know what matters most to you in this moment. Don’t complicate by letting “shoulds” and “shouldn’ts” hold you back. This moment is an invitation for you to step into momentum, growth, and flow.

What might open up if you choose from a place of innocence rather than guilt?

Waiting to do things until you want to do them is an impossible strategy for living a happy life.

We must be willing to do the little things we don’t want to do to have the big things we want. 

If we want booming business, we need to make the scary sales call, whether we want to or not. If we want rewarding relationships, we need to be vulnerable and selfless, whether we want to or not. 

Where is it time to stop valuing the little wants and start valuing the big ones? 

When you fight with someone, you give them power. When you stand for something, you harness your own. You don’t need someone to agree with you to do your work. Waiting for agreement often means you will be waiting forever. 

Taking a stand is different than trying to win a fight with someone else who is also giving their power away. Stand for what is true for you and don’t waste your energy fighting. 

What if you used your stand to find ways to partner rather than prove?

While I prefer to be adored and loved, I am 100 percent okay with not being adored and loved. When I need to be liked, I do all sorts of things that make me not love and adore myself, and the most important person to love me is me, because I am the one who lives with me. 

When I release the need to be seen or treated in a certain way, I am able to see myself more clearly and do and be someone I want to celebrate. 

Where is it time to let go of others’ perception of you and focus on your own? 

We all want to be happy somehow, and we have different strategies for getting there because we all believe that different things will make us happy. 

Some people believe that having lots of money will make them happy, some believe that having lots of rest will make them happy, some believe that winning a fight will make them happy, and some believe that flying under the radar will make them happy. 

The truth is, everyone is simply making their best guess and doing what they believe works for them. We don’t have to agree with one another to understand that. 

What if you didn’t have to be right about what may or may not make someone else happy? Are you sure you even have it right for yourself?

People in your life rely on you for certain things- whether it is to take the trash out, provide great insight, or complain about your boss with them. It can feel very comfortable to continue to fit into the roles you have historically played for people, and it can often be valuable to continue to be reliable in these ways if they help us get where we want to go. However, it is with ensuring that the things people rely on you for are actually the things you want to be reliable for.

Opportunities present themselves to us based on the credibility we create for ourselves. Are you making yourself credible in ways that inspire you? Where might it be time to upgrade your reliability? 

Complexity and complication are overrated. If it can’t be said or done simply, people won’t likely hear or do it—you included.

Where do you need to make it simpler to be more powerful? Remember that simple can feel scary because responsibility and clarity are the essence of simplicity. 

The most important gap to learn to close is the one between the moment that you know something needs to be done and the moment you do it. 

This doesn’t mean we need to rush. If we genuinely don’t know or can’t know yet, we don’t need to make a move. However, if we want to contribute at our highest level and experience fulfillment at our highest level, we must take courageous, grateful action again and again. 

Look to a time when you knew something, yet didn’t take action for a long time. What made you hesitate, and what did you learn that could help you make the gap smaller next time? 

When you move towards what is true for you, some people may leave you. While sadness is an entirely appropriate response to loss, this loss is a healthy process. 

The good news is that the same truth that scares some off will be the exact thing that draws the correct, aligned people toward you. As you expand in your willingness and ability to be clear with your intentions and actions, the energy of the relationships and community you enjoy will only amplify.

What if you trusted your truth to lead you to your people? 

It is possible to be direct and make people uncomfortable while still loving them.

It is also possible that you can love someone, and they can react unlovingly in response. Your job in loving people through their discomfort is not to ensure that they respond kindly to you; it is to be a part of creating a new paradigm where we can listen and speak to one another without either person needing to become the victim. Part of your role in our human evolution is to learn to allow people to learn in their own time, and love them anyway. And we will all learn faster if we are clear and loving with one another.

Where might it be time for you to stop holding back so you can demonstrate non-attached loving clarity?

To experience having enough, we must release a belief in perfection.

As long as we think there is such a thing as being the perfect friend, spouse, boss, employee, or having the perfect amount of money, time, or approval from others, we will never be or have enough. The moment we can embrace our inherent, unavoidable imperfection as we work to be the best versions of ourselves, we can be enough, exactly as we are right now.

What if, to become more of who you are, you first must embrace that you are already enough?